Why do I write these blogs?
Sometimes my thoughts are too much for me to keep inside. I write them out. Presently, I have over 600 notes of thoughts, ideas, opinions, you name it.
I also keep tabs so I can have enough material for my autobiography, when I decide to write it or when my great grand kids decide to share with the world, what great grandma was all about 😂
So in the last week or 2, I have been pondering on the deep realisation that nobody is really special. Honestly, I have known this for a while, mainly because we are all humans and success, et al comes from God. But 2 things happened that got me reflecting.
I shared them in Facebook but want to share them here so good record and referral sake, and also with the hope that it resonates with you.
1. I’M A LADY. NOT A MAN. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO BE A MAN
Trans-wise, desire-wise, next life-wise or however else-wis, I so don’t want to be a man or be mistaken for one. I was born a find lady and just love being a lady.
People often think I’m a man. Even though they’ve known about me for years, taken my courses, received my emails, are in my WhatsApp groups 😳etc, they automatically assume I’m a man.
The one that kills me most are those in my WhatsApp group! But we are here together! I send voicenotes. I reintroduce myself often. I invite you to my events. Ah! 😭
But why people? Prof Ike sounds manly? 🤔
Or women aren’t supposed to be out there doing their thing, and making impact? Once something looks good then it must be by a man?
Let me share my latest experience as a suspected male 🙄
A certain guy connected with me on LinkedIn, and shortly after sent me an email begging to help him with, or to get a job. He wasn’t;t sure why he believed that I could help. Part that got me was, he didn’t like the way he was feeling without a job.
I try to help where I can. Plus I’m getting serious training to become a Mental Health First Aid instructor so I have been learning a lot about mental health, and really do not want anyone struggling if they can avoid it. So this crossed my mind.
I don’t know him. I can’t vouch for him but I believe if he gets an interview, his interviewers can decide if he is a good fit. That’s how I think and what I would do if someone came desperately like he did.
I respond saying I’m not a recruiter, neither do I have a vacancy to fill, but he could email me his CV, I will forward to a few contacts in HR/recruitment. They will contact him if they have something that fits.
I then get him email. Dear sir, thank you sir, sir, sir, sir.
Sir????? So he thinks I’m a man?
Does he think my profile picture is possibly that of my girlfriend, wife or daughter?
To be honest, I was annoyed. To me, he hadn’t bothered to engage with my content, nor research me if unsure what or who I am. But somehow, he believed I was sent directly by God to help him.
I made it clear to the guy that I was disappointed.
Then he sent an apology that threw me.
His exact apology (unedited and possibly will impact readability but…)
Good Evening Ma’am.
Before anything else, I want to sincerely apologise for using the wrong salutation to address you. Honestly, I went through your profile, and engaged with your content severally. I think it is time to come out straight and explain what happened. When I saw your profile and read it’s content, I was impressed. And that is why I decided to reach out to you. However, after sending the first message where I addressed you as “ma’am”, I started to think I may have just wrongly addressed you seeing that I couldn’t balance your names, your picture and your achievements. Honestly, I just started thinking “she is quite young, you mean she has achieved all these? Wow!” A thought now flashed. Could it be that it’s not her picture? But she wouldn’t put someone’s picture in LinkedIn. Somehow, I started feeling may be I was wrong to have addressed her as “ma’am” considering that the names kinda seemed like a male given name. This was why I took my chances and used ‘Sir’ instead. Please ma’am, I am very sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect.
Thank you so much for sending my curriculum Vitae. I am truly grateful.
Have a great night ma’am.
Honestly, I don’t think I have achieved much. I even feel a little stuck and behind most times. So even with the little I have managed to achieve, this guy thinks surely a lady can’t achieve them. Besides, she looks too young! But a young man can?
I’m quite disappointed in his thought process. Lots of people surely feel this way. Little wonder women are fighting for equality and all that. I don’t do feminism. Yeah I know what it means and yes, it has been overflowed so some women tend to avoid that title. It connotes women fighting for equality, right? I don’t care about equality. I care about freedom to do what I like, express myself, thrive, be treated fairly and right, be respected etc, all because I AM A HUMAN BEING not because I am a woman or feminist or because I am mistaken for a man. Don’t make the mistake is what I am essentially trying to say in all of this. Don’t imagine what I look like.
My experience so far since I started my businesses, concludes one thing – People usually don’t care about you or your business so they hardly notice what you look or sound like. Their desires are – What can you do for me? How can you solve my problem? How can I gain from you?
Nobody cares about your business. You are simply not that special.
2. TIME & THE WORLD NEVER STOPS
10th March 2019, the world was hit with the news of another plane crash – Ethiopian Airlines. 157 lives gone. Just like that.
As with other plane crashes I have heard about, I was deeply troubled. Worrying about those who died. Imagined how they must have felt and reacted when they realised the end was imminent. It tore me apart because I know how freaked out I get at any slight turbulence. My heart races so bad. I nearly almost collapse.
I hate flying. I avoid as much as I can. So I put myself in their shoes, I still couldn’t and can’t say I understand how they felt. I have never been in their shoes. Don’t even want to. Ever!
The next morning, I wake up. First thing on my mind is “oh it’s Alexander’s birthday”.
Alexander is my nephew. I call him my first son because he is technically my mum’s first grandchild. Plus he looks a lot like us. He is cute, energetic and just make my heart smile. Nice bonus. He is very much loved. He turned 2.
I smile and remember my video call to see his cute darling face last night. But…
I’m quickly reminded of life’s troubles. Most mornings I am.
I struggle to pray 😢 so I thank God for life and privilege to sleep and wake.
I think about the day’s plan. I then visit social media shortly after. Everyone is back to sharing business, personal and the much hated inspirational quotes (yes I hate most of them with a passion – overdo in my opinion), despite the fact that we lost 157 people less than 24 hours ago.
I was super amazed at how people moved in so fast. Didn’t a plane crash less than 24 hours ago with lots of dead people?
Some shared updates on the Ethiopian plane crash. Some analysed the last post of one of the dead as a sign he knew. Really!??? 🙄🙄. This is a problem with Nigerians, maybe humans but I have noticed it more with my people. They analyse the posts or last text of someone who just died and begin to get analytical.
The post that got everyone talking was something to do with wings, bottom of ocean and God leading him safely. Something along those lines, I do not want to share it word for word. To people, he knew he was going to die in a plane crash. Really???
Some analysed conversations he had with his daughter. Innocent conversations became signs he knew yet again.
2 other planes crashed on Saturday 9th March (in Colombia and USA). In one of them, a mayor and her family are wiped out. They didn’t make breaking news.
What I am reminded by all these is that none of us is that special. If the world can just keep going, then surely we are not important one bit.
I wonder silently. I’m sad because I want the world to stop for a minute. I want time to freeze and just be still. I’m sad because one day, we all will be gone also, is this how it will be? Life just continuing without stopping for even a second? So people will go over my posts and begin to dissect and analyse? I’m angry 😡 (kind of).
No matter how special the world says we are, it doesn’t stop when we go. People get on with their lives and businesses. Families and friends mourn but time waits for no one. In their pain, families still need to shop, cook and feed their children, even when adults have no appetite. Employees must be paid – tragedy or not.
Shortly after, the belly begins to cry for food. Throat needs some water. Those needs are eventually met. Life continues. It sucks!
What do you think? Let me know in the comment below.
© Professor Ike